Why didn't you take off your Shirts for Narendra Modi???

Intolerance issue is one of the so oft used words nowadays, like SWAG and sapiosexual, simply bcos they think it's cool and know ghanta of its real meaning. People happily get into a debate, sorry..... start barking about it to anyone listening (and mostly those not interested in listening), thanks to Facebook. (I am aware three fingers are pointing towards myself right now, Get Lost)

Ofcourse it's the government's prerogative to defend itself under such charges. And along with most ministers, BJP MP, Kirron Kher too voraciously defended the government. Sadly on same old lines of "manufactured congress led intolerance" and where were all these writers when Kashmiri Pandits and Sikhs were massacred, during Emergency or when Alexander the Great invaded India. :/

All parties seem to memorize the history of failings of their opponents than their own Party's history. Nobody wants to stay in the present bcos that is too mainstream or simply bcos the past was so glorious or inglorious. Every point is countered with, "Yes, but what about 2002, what about 1984, what about Babri, what about Emergency?" Get your minds out of the past and stop using past atrocities to buttress your claim of legitimizing today's problem. Bcos my main question is "What about common sense?"

While murder of Kalburgi and Akhlaq are incidents cited as intolerance, the protests being led are mainly from writers returning awards of Sahitya Akademi en masse. The point of returning an award from an autonomous organisation, when the real source of grouse is with the government and not the Academi, makes the protest debatable about its efficacy. But the backlash from the government sounds like a Dolly Bindra rant to a nursery kid. Did you just realize you call them all intellectuals (you strangely call anyone against the government as so called intellectual) and then you present intellectuals as the bad guys. Whoaaa.... ever realised the whole government going against these award winning writers, people using pen and paper or maybe Macbook to write in regional languages, is being made to look like the bad guys. Kinda sounds like Bully Logic.

A little bit of better understanding why this protest is being done would help the government probably deal with it better than scream "Congress ka haath" in every direction. First of all, all throughout history, man has found various ways of peacefully protesting. Remember the Miss Call initiative during the Anna Hazare protests, pink panties being couriered to Pramod Muthalik or Japanese employees wearing a black ribbon at work instead of a hartal. And many more such innovative ones would keep springing in future. While returning awards is not new, a mass return of awards has found an echo now. That's how protests among common masses generally are. A trigger and spontaneous solidarity from fellow persons. Asking stupid questions like Why didn't you return in 90's and 1984 is showing ignorance to a basic human aspect of protest.

Imagine after 2019 in a make believe India, Lalu Prasad becomes the next PM. A year later he is exposed in a scandal. People are angry and in one rally, people take off their shirts in front of the media to "expose" the PM. It becomes viral and it starts happening every rally, every meeting, every session he goes to. Now imagine Lalu saying, this is a BJP conspiracy. Why didn't these people off their shirts in front of Modi when Akhlaq was murdered? Do you see my point of absurdity or still your skull is too thick?

There is another reason why the country is so politically opinionated and divided today. Something which did not exist in your favourite years of reference of 1992 and 1975 and so on. Allow me to put in some chronology for unneeded dramatic effect.

In 1991, the first Gulf War, CNN beamed the first war live to our televisions constantly. In 2002, this time it was our Indian Media giving 24/7 coverage of a major riots from ground zero. By 2010, twitter and facebook was a household name and smartphones magically appearing in almost everyone's hands. Now the real revolution began because anyone who is practically no one has an unnecessary opinion about something which is shared by millions to be responded by an equally biased millions with hundreds taking offense at the comments and another hundred started to rediscover their f's and b's in digital space.

This was just the beginning but if you remember 2011, just a year later, you will see the effects of everyone sharing an opinion from their comfort of their houses. We had in india the Mega rallies all over for Lokpal under Anna Hazare, the Occupy Wall street protests and most potent was the domino effect of Arab Spring.

So now 5 years into this new world order, everyone with a smartphone and a digital presence has a thing to say. It's power without responsibility. Absurd reactions instead of response. And it's only fuelled by TRP dependent Media. Your opposition will obviously milk it to their advantage. You have done it too, haven't you? But can you for once stand up and take charge as the government and not some scheming Komolika. Engage with the opponents and realise where is the fault in their perception. After all for the manufactured dissent that you feel is taking place, who can you blame for the manufactured silence over a burning issue?

Pawar-ful Families

Money has been incessantly flowing in the IPL League like the underground sewers of Black Money. Lil doubt that the valuations of IPL has doubled to over $4 bn, much more than the GDP of Zimbabwe or Fiji or Guinea.

The IPL's Big Brother attitude of avoiding the media to use its clips and photos or under excessive regulation went a classic U-turn when the Lalit Modi- Shashi Tharoor controversy broke out giving the Media a free hand to shave off their heads in public. What regulation now???

While the controversy opened a Pandora's Box, Modi and Tharoor were the first two Pandas to be ousted, and our proxy Cricket Minister Sharad Pawar feigned massive ignorance of having anything to do with any bidding. And contrary to many others also expressing similar views just yesterday Times of India portrayed the Husband, wife and Daughter as direct stakeholders of over 16% in the failed bidders list. Much more than the 4% Tharoor's girlfriend had. Still no word from the Congress about his removal, as of course he is an Ally

While in the past, politicians have compared oranges and apples to explain their screwed theories, now instead comparing Tharoor as an apple and Pawar as a bigger apple requiring same treatment, they prefer calling him something smaller like a red strawberry.

The father-daughter duo have still stuck to their stand that the MD of City Corporation, Aniruddha Deshpande bid in his personal capacity in the co. name. So he bid in his own capacity, using company funds without telling its owners? He will be kicked for 2 years in jail if thats the case according to the Companies Act.

It's not really a surprise that Pawar was involved in some way in the politics and economics of IPL. But by vehemently denying it he was behaving like a hairy man dressed as a drag queen saying "I am a women." Now that the wig has fallen and bald head is exposed he still claims he is a Woman. Sheesshhh.

The final outcome will certainly depend on need of coalition politics (90%), clean probe by investigators (3%), ability to silence the investigators (7%). Whatever be it, he just got another excuse to stay away from his agriculture ministry.

50 Years of a Lost Land (Tibet)

If I were to ask what is the similarity between Barbie Doll and the Dalai Lama, what would you say? And if you say they both wear minimal clothes I will whack you!!!!

Well apparently they both had their 50 years anniversary this week. While Barbie made a grand entry on the shelves of New York, the Dalai Lama made a discreet escape to India from the chinese. 50 years since scores of Tibetans fled and have made India their second home. Barely a decade after the partition refugees were settled another bunch of red and yellow clothed monks flooded in along with their leader while their monastries were shelled and looted by chinese.

Its been 50 years the Tibetans have made India their Fatherland. But what really drove them all of a sudden to leave their Shangrila with the most colourful flag in the world and come to our Country? Suddenly dimaag ki batti lit, wow, Buddha was from India. So Chalo India????

It was since 1911 when Tibet thought to hell with China which by the way just came out of a dynasty rule and started their own self rule policy. Obviously the Dalai Lama was the head of this state. Come 1950 when the communist (?><$#&(&%$ - Sorry but i hate their ideology) finally overtook Mainland china and left the capitalist rowing on rafts to settle in Taiwan, turned their attention to so called Self ruling Tibet. While they first killed scores of soldiers as they entered the east, they released the prisoners doctoring them with communist ideology. Now what they did after that surely makes them marketing Gurus of 1950. they went village on village telling people about communism, giving them money and selling the idea of integrating with China. Now the Chinese had a weird idea of Tibet. They believed they were liberating Tibet from the Serfs (those are like Tibetan zamindaars where instead of dhotis they wore chubas as their fashion statement). But people there had their own land and were their own tillers. But then they also believed that India, a country not gone to war for 10000 years was an expantionist and wanted to build the Great Indian Empire and take over chinese territory. So honestly what the chinese think is best left unsaid. Maybe their silly translations change the whole meaning.


So now after brainwashing rural folk they reach Lhasa with a 17 point plan of Peaceful Liberation. Liberation from whom???? Had those monks machine guns wielded under their robes, they would have told the Chinese to get out and peacefully liberate them. This forceful truce or rather slavery of communism took place in 1951. Over the next few years when the communism was imposed in these sectors the real cry of an enslaved nation was heard.

They started with their land distribution policy in Kham and Ando areas (dont laugh at the names, even we have places called as Thangyachimadam). But as I said they were owners and tillers of the land and no feudal system. People slammed the Chinese so hard they dint know what hit them. So in their attempt to make their classless society they created a lawless society.

But the Chinese always have a secret kung fu weapon when challenged. They hit their opponents with such brutality. Prisoners of the revolt saw their wives being raped in front of them. Priest and nuns forced to have sex with each other and children were made to shoot their own parents. Dont go vomitting, there is still more. The government is Lhasa tried to talk the rebels out of it. But this is interesting. They came back and joined the revolt themselves.

Now come 10th March 1959 and the stage is set for the final showdown. The Chinese suddenly had a crash course in humility and invited the Dalai Lama to a theatrical performance. A day before the event they told the Lama's bodyguards to not have any Band Baja as the Dalai lama stepped out of the palace and no bodyguard escort. The guards smelled a rat. (although the chinese year of rat was the next year) The word spread around and the next day 300,000 Tibetans surrounded the palace to stop their chief from falling into the chinese trap. The senior lama, Pagbalha Soinam Gyamco, (say that name 10 times fast without error) who worked with the Chinese was killed and his body was dragged by a horse in front of the crowd for two kilometers.

Bored of communism and enraged at Chinese barbarism, the Tibetans unilaterally declared independence. Sadly the religious society was not much into raising sophisticated armies. All plans were set for Dalai Lama's escape before he became the Chinese scapegoat. (again forgive me but it wasn't the Chinese year of the goat as well). Two days later when his palace came under chinese firing......VROOOMMMM he came here to India.

The Chinese crushed the uprising like a violent kid breaking Barbie's limbs. Major monastries were looted and shelled beyond repair. The Dalai Lama's bodyguards were publicly executed. The Chinese put the total casualty figure at a marginal 86,000. OKay, DONT scream, its not marginal. But the original figure estimated by a French organisation is taken to be around half a million since the invasion. Yes, you may go ahead and scream now. Don't stare at the weirdly smiling goat.

Politically In-Dependant

The Political Institution forms the very Government which we have come so far to hate. Politics is what many men can discuss for hours showing off that they know something after watching 20 hours of News channels and debates per day. And they will discuss with such fervor over their Drinks like they are sitting right in the Lok Sabha with the Doordarshan camera on their faces. And also they will so confidently say things like as if the News Anchor has been appointed to only anchor for their TV and the whole world has no Clue what has happened about an issue. Brilliant!!!

For we commoners, the ones who have come to hate the word politics and its bastions, the political parties, have chatted, debated, cursed and even blogged like me, over these issues and the politicians of course in private. We have always been forewarned of talking out in public incase an asshole hears your disgruntled opinion and trashes the **** out of you. (C'mon your not a Kid. You can guess what I said) In simple words we really don't trust the words or even actions of a politicians. We are defunct of a leader where we can all look upto. So in the mid-term, we are still lost in finding any faith in Politics or its carriers, the politicians.

In our Democratic structure we have a Tripartite system, where the Executive, Legislative and Judicial body are the three pillars and the Media is the so called fourth. We tend to have faith in Judiciary as being independent but its so over burdened and slow that my grandmother would reach Delhi on a Padyatra before justice is given. Anyways, the recent scams with judges has made the Supreme Court quote "The rot has set in". It has also lost faith in the lower judiciary where its verdict is not taken seriously and the execution is quite often marred on quasi grounds. The spat between the Judiciary and the Government on several grounds of its jurisdiction has been congratulated by the common people for the Judiciary taking on the incumbent Government but has left the Parliament fuming.

The media is doing a good and bad job with giving justice to burning issues. While one can be lauded for resurrecting the Jessica Lall and other such cases back to the forefront, some others are more interested in displaying Dead pigeons martyrs of terrorist attacks and snakes mating before the world finally ends. While the Government has tried to rein in control over the media the backlash has left the Government burnt and still extinguishing the burning embers.

What the government tries is to spread its influence and control corresponding to Sarkari Raj period. The two lone stand alones are the Election Commission and the Titular President post. Governors are chucked and seated in all opposition states when there is a Power shift in the Centre. After all what work does a Governor really have? (The Maharashtra Governor gets to enjoy one of Bombays most scenic spots for no noteworthy work then signing on papers) So why not grant our plum tax money and status to someone loyal to our own party?


Abdul Kalam was probably the most loved President in India for his simplistic nature and vision. Even a women president now at the helm has not got even the Feminists exited. I mean what calibre does she really have to instill any sense of goodwill to her post. Her credentials are basically
1. A Woman (never had a Indian women president b4 so kudos....novelty hai)
2. Loyal to congress
Besides that I guess she is come to sort out her family troubles namely sheilding her brother of a murder charge, her husband being named for harrassment in a suicide note of a fellow Teacher, funds being siphoned off to her husbands run trust. The list is much longer but point is clear so why i break my head noting down everything.

So her mahaan claims of not being just a rubber stamp president is totally false. She is not just here to stamp Passed ordinances but also simultaneously safegurad her family. She is a woman after all. Its in her instincts to protect the family sham name :|

Well its not just the Post of Governors and President that the Congress has usurped with their puppets. The Election Commission which till date was known to be the strict school teacher for a bunch of terror kids has also not been spared. The congress apppointed Navin Chawla's close proximity to the congress should not be a problem. But the fact that the current Chief Election Commisioner found his actions in favour of a particular party is dangerous. Ofcourse he has the right to throw someone out as per law.

But the file of dismissal will have to pass to apni Shreemati Patil Bai. Ab kaunsi maa apne laadle ko nikal sakti hai. File rejected. Case dismissed. Navin Chawla is Chief Election Commisioner during the 15th Lok Sabha Elections on 20th April. Congress rides to Victory. Bhale fractured victory. Toh kya hua..... Important posts are after all now controlled by the UPA in the flawed democracy. But no matter how much you try things dont really turn out as easy as u plan. If they expect things will become as smooth as Navin Chawla's head, they would be mistaken.

Meltdown -Scenes Behind the Scenes

First of all, had the Big Bang Machine destroyed the World, I wouldn't have been able to write this blog at all. But since it didn't God gave me more opportunities to torture you guys. :)

Anyways what the Scientists failed to do, apna sweet ol' America did it by creating a bigger Blackhole than the Machine could which sucked out the whole world's Money. Well this time I don't wanna bother you with long written Blogs (stop screaming with Joy :x ). Rather I just got you some few things you may have not known of the Crises.

Already sloshed with problems in every state, Inflation at all time High and now India has to Face this......

"Kaand kare koi aur, aur humme bhugatna pad raha hai."



Ostrich Ki Soch: Our Finance Minister believes we have nothing to worry at all....

"Don't Worry!!! Our Economy is insulated from any crisis."



And can anyone explain to me this????



I bet you didn't know this........


And Employment is hitting everywhere........Even Underworld is facing problems as Builders themselves are kadka....Here is a story of how another terrorist in USA became unemployed.



Yeh thi ab tak ki khabre.......... for all those who didn't like my blog there is some good news.....
"YOUR NEXT SALARY OR POCKET MONEY MAY NOT COME AT ALL." Thank you and have a great Day. :)

-Brian

Nuclear Race Against Time

If I were to take a very neutral view of the Nuclear deal I would sum up by saying "HOLY MARY, JESUS, GANPATI, RAMA, I CANT BELIEVE WE GOT THE DEAL"

Ok!!! So maayybee that wasn't such a neutral opinion but What the heck!!! Its for real. For a deal riddled with so many anti-lobbyist (some genuinely freaked about Nuclear proliferation, some opportunists and some intellectually pieces of wastes), its really hard to believe that it finally got the see the light of the day. Something that began on 18th July 2005, it really was the drama, not in the 11th hour but the 11th hour and 59th Minute that makes it so special. Forget a documentary, you could create a typical Bollywood Flick with so much action. Maybe you cud have Amitabh Bachchan as Manmohan Singh and Shah Rukh Khan as George Bush. I would also like to choose Rakhi Sawant as Mayawati but that would be an insult Sawant's reputation. Maybe I could take her for an item number song of Madhuri's Ek Do Teen, in lieu of Agreement 123. (George Bush stop smiling.... She is not a piece of meat)

Among of zillion crap things that the two leaders have done during their tenure, this will perhaps shine out as the sole beacon of limelight for them. For Manmohan Singh, who invested more than his personal stake in this deal, this wud rather be a floodlight than the limelight atleast in his mind. Not so much in the political circles considering he is surrounded by Intellectual Eunuchs. He might have dithered just once when he mentioned last year under Left Sponsored Failing Hope that No deal would not be end of the road. Today he can easily show them his Left hand's 3rd Finger from the left. ;)

The Left have members in the age group of our grandfathers and an ideology of their Forefathers. In 60 years they were never part of the Ruling government and this time when they got a chance in the coalition, they were nothing more than a nagging wife who makes more noise than a mad dog. Throughout the govt played a yes and no game with this mad dog. Finally wen the deal reached a phase of Now or Never, they damned the Left, Left said Damn the Govt and UPA told SP, you are my damn Friend. Now started Mahayudh for Trust Vote with fierce changing political equations which when drawn on paper wud make Nuclear Fission Process Diagram seem a cakewalk. A tear of joy rolled down my cheek when I heard the Left quit. Good riddance. :D

Trust Vote:
This Mega Event saw the unlikliest of groups getting together. For the Left who was totally against going Nuclear and its Testing was now fighting against India giving up its Right to Test. :| To depicts the extent of their bankrupt idealogy, they sided with their sworn enemies, The NDA and the Casteist Mayawati. She is one who wouldn't know the difference of Nuclear from Deal made the Vote all about projecting herself as the Next Prime Minister. This seasoned Opportunist put forth the Wonky Donky Theory.

1. Muslims against America
2. America makes Deal with India.
3. Muslims against Deal.

Of course many Muslim bodies have rejected this on grounds they may not understand the deal but are certainly not against anything thats good for India. But where is she listening. After her die hard tactics didn't work it came down to accusing BJP and Congress of cahooting together to scuttle her PM candidature. Thats like saying King Kong and Bigfoot mated together to make Godzilla jealous. :-S

Advani who initially advocated the deal found later that as Opposition head, he must just oppose anything and everything, went back to claim otherwise. NDA says they will renegotiate the deal if they come to power. Halwa hai kya!!! Going back to US and 45 Nations NSG group to renegotiate!!! Are they actually competing with Rakhi Sawant in making Nakhras?? The Cash for Vote scam did mar the Trust vote. 2 wrongs don't make a right but dirty politics was played with dirty politicians to make possible something good. Some votes were bought in cash. Some through promise of Chief Ministership to a convict. And the Left, who had no issues on those tainted voting for Office of Profit issue, had a terrible problem with them voting here. They were even willing to circumvent Constitutional practice by asking Somnath to step down to add in one more vote to their count. Bravo, that he snubbed them right off!!! 2 days of Highest TRP all news channels got. Best reality show ever. One talks of Kalawati, another snubs Mayawati. Few display hordes of cash, Rest all speak trash.

After the Vote was won, the losers went to media with all their Abba dabba jabba. They still go on and on which reminds me of those dogs that keep barking in the night. Reasons unknown even to them they can keep up barking for hours back and forth. Meanwhile the victors went to IAEA and NSG.

NSG MEET: 45 Deshon Ka Taandav

So now victory in Domestic India was achieved next step was to patau the world to say yes. Ironically the NPT and NSG were formed because India had shaken the western worlds spine by doing nuclear tests in 1974. And now they were bending backwards to make place for India that had rejected the NPT. Usual spoilsports here as anticipated were Austria, Norway, Ireland, Switzerland and New Zealand. Powerful Bakbaki Pro Non-proliferation countries they are. After all many of them have elections in their own countries soon and were answerable. When first round fell flat, the second round was even more time bound for the survival of the deal. This is the juncture where one cannot argue over the influence USA still possesses. By the second crucial day, USA made sure one by one the Rogue countries fell in line. All the strings were pulled during the innumerable 3 hour long breaks. All USA had to ask was "who is your Daddy??" and they reluctantly replied "You are"

As far as Hindi-Chini Bhai bhai is considered, they sure acted like a Sautela Bhai. That wolf in sheep's skin afraid of Rising India to China's ambitions made a grossly miscalculated move of damaging the deal at this point by saying there was no need hurry up with the deal (DUHHHH!!!). They back stabbed us even after we gave them a protest free Olympic torch run in Delhi. Strongly worded displeasure from India (1%) and one call from President Bush (99%) made sure the Dragons fire was put out like a phuski apti bomb.

Negotiations dragged on for an uncalled 3rd day and The USA supremacy ruled. They only were the ones to put the sanctions in 1970's and 1998, then lift some in 2001 for co-operation on War on terror and now get India to the Grand Nuclear club. Now we have our weapons, we will get supplies, and technology even in other sectors like Aviation, pharmacy, IT, Space. We are anyways not going to test anytime soon. After Vajpayee himself had assured the world on Voluntary Moratorium and No First Use policy. Unfortunately that does mean that one Indian city may go down b4 we press Attack Button. But if conditions demand, No country, especially not Growing India would bother listening to a deal. Gandhiji said if someone slaps u on your cheek, you present your other cheek. But if someone holds a gun at your head, Sorry BOSS, you have just one head. You got to protect it. As far as Supporting USA against Iran's Nuclear programme, a US law cant mandate India's foreign policy. What would they do? Sue the Indian Prime minister in US supreme court?

Last step is getting the deal passed through the US Congress without the mandatory 30 day period bcos from October onwards starts CNN's favourite Show- US Presidential Elections. And for a country who managed to get all the 45 countries in Line can sure manage that feat in their own backyard. After all they have to hurry up before the Russians and French gobble up $100bn business in India. For India for now we need Supply of uranium which is less. Through R & D and advanced technology we can develop Thorium reactors as well of which we have 300 years worth of fuel. By then God knows, what global warming wud hv done to our earth? The next Ice Age may be approaching. People wud be removing quarterly passes to the moon. But when you get down on the moon, one thing will still be the same. The Left holding Bandhs. I say leave them forever there only. If possible dump them there now itself.

Poem for my Valentine

        Ok guys!!! Here a Noble Poem for those who want to impress their loved ones and need some guidance. GO right ahead and use my Poem. Would be glad to help. However if it has any adverse effects, I am not to be blamed. Wat you are about to venture in is got to be done at your own risk. Again guys, Wish you guys a happy Valentines Day.


My Valentine:-
 
I kno for you readin' poetry
is as wierd as
a Slut talking of Sanskruti
or the Pope wearing a Dhoti

Maybe I cud be wrong,
but my feelings are so strong
to avoid becoming "Y" after "HORN"
I am writing you this Song

For me at first
the difference between Love and Lust
was sumthing where, in one you Hold hands
And the other you focus on the BUST

Pehle I felt nothing Such
Lekin time can change so much
So now I will tell you sach sach
I wanna get up ev'ry morning with ur touch

You are now for me that CLASSIC
No porn movie can satisfy
Even Mills and Boons seems so Basic :(
Saying "You mean nothing to me, my rasmalai"
would be a terrible Lie

Over the deserts of Sahara
Riding on the Falls of Niagra
In the Eskimo's largest Igloo
O'vr the peaks of the Tallest mountain
No wait, I'd rather do it with you
Beside the muncipality ka fountain.

I may not be a perfect Poet
but you'll kno my other skills after we DO IT ;)
We cud start wid wine and dine,
And end with my favourite No. 69
Oh Honey, Pls be my Valentine.
:D

Crazy Me, Crazy Signatures

Its been over two years since when I have been forwarding my mails in bulk to my friends and/or foes. With every mail I have added a touch of my madness in the form of the Signatures written below. They may be based on the current happenings then like the ban on Adult Content to restructuring the solar system with possible new planets before Pluto was kicked out. Or they simply could be a passing crappy idea that bounced off my head. Quite a unique collection has been accumulated till yet and I feel showcase it out on display like some Museum through my BLOG. Its a different story all together whether i have an audience or no who bother visiting it. Those who dont, Lucky you....for the rest...yeh hai ab tak ki paagalpan till 2007:

1)
(Copy Paste it in ur add bar and click enter. Its not a BUG -BRIAN)
javascript:function flood(n) {if (self.moveBy) {for (i = 15; i > 0;i--){for
(j = n; j > 0; j--){ self.moveBy( 1,i);self. moveBy(i, 0);self.moveBy( 0,
-i);self. moveBy(-i, 0); } } }}flood(6);{ var inp = "nairB morf SESSAKCAJ uoy lla ot
8002 RAEY WEN YPPAH
:erutangiS wen ym si sihT"; var outp = ""; for (i = 0; i <= inp.length; i++) {outp
=inp.charAt (i) + outp ; } alert(outp) ;}; reverse

2)
Too many Cooks spoil the Broth. So then you must be getting only CRAP to eat in Big Hotels unless there is only 1 Chef cooking.

3)
Due to the recent findings of traces of insanity in all my emails, The Kazakhistan's Mental Institution has recalled all of them. Open the mails at your own risk. Ohh!! Its too late for you.

4)
.serutangiS ym daer ot etarepsed era yllaer uoY !!!woW
(Read in Arabic style from Right to Left)

5)
My religion forbids me from sending forwards to other Humans. So Please tell your Masters to stop pestering me. Here, hv a biscuit.

6)
Hum Angreezo ke zamaane ke E-Mailer hai.........

7)
If Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,
then if you were born on Earth, you must be a Transvertite.

-Brian (Martian)

8)
Why is writing an unprepared exam like having sex????
Kyunki jo answer nahi aata woh THOK do........

9)
Horoscope for 2007 by Brian
Aries- The phase that nobody cared 4 u last year is going to continue
Taures- uhh...mmmm...Look a bone...Go Catch!
Gemini- The truth of ur sun sign is u r a Ge-mini. That means a Mini Gay
Cancer- U wil get d Cancer of ur choice. Blood cancer, Skin Cancer
Leo- Ur partner wil hv an affair wid THE ONE -Neo
Virgo- Who are u kidding? Ur new sun sign should be VIRgin-long-aGO
Libra- This year is all about Bras and Viagras. (sorry bt there wont be any women)
Scorpio- Remember d last time u got laid? I hope you do, bcos there is no more luck till 2008
Saggitarius- Ur GF, who has nt slept with u yet bcos she sd she was saving up 4 d marriage, is pregnant
Capricorn- RUN!! George Bush has declared war on Capricorns bcos a Capricorn idiot threw a Rubber Duck on him. U.S Army has been deployed on the Tropic of Capricorn
Aquarius- 4 better luck you need to spell your star sign as "Aekwaryus"
Picses- U r a Star sign? Since when.....never heard of you.....NEXT!

10)
Innovative Warning on a Condom Packet:-
There is many a Drip between
your Prick and her Hip.

11)
We both know everyone must have some secrets...........
So don't take it wrongly when people ask me "Do I know You" and I disgustingly pretend I obviously do not. I would like that to be a secret......
FOREVER.

12)
Due to the recent Ban on Adult Content, Discovery Channel has been asked to amend its Biography on Archimedes and incur some Indian Values. So after a Royal bath instead of running naked shouting "Eureka", Archimedes will fully dress himself, Oil his hair and take his parents blessings before going out and Shouting HARI OM, HARI OM

13)
I wonder why they Kicked me out when I proposed to declare MY Own WORLD as the Fourth New Planet in the Solar System......Maybe they would take me more seriously if I adopted a Roman Gods name like Bacchus.....The God of Wine and partying.......

--Bacchus (formely known as Brian)

14)
Send this mail to 6546465135 people within 47 secs holding your right leg in your left hand while scratching under ur arms and you will get Brian Baba's Ashirwad for Smooth Motions.

If you will not, please carry Tissue paper at all times. You have been fore-warned.
--Brian Baba

15)
New Song:-
If there's something STRANGE
in your NEIGHBOURHOOD........
Who ur gonna Call????

.............ROBIN-HOOD

16)
Aap Jaisa koi, Meri Zindagi aaye,
To Baat ka batangad ban jayage......


17)
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:-
If an Eye for an Eye will make the whole world Blind.
Is Global Warming bcos of you and I Farting???????

18)
This mail has been sent by Brian........
-B for BhatacharyaNarangSwami
-R for RavindraVeerPurabSinghal
-I for IndraNarayanVidyabharti
-A for AurangzebMuftiAlMohammedKhan and
-N for NityaVallakichamSuryavanshRai
............Dobara Mat Puchna


19)
Aaram Haraam hai,
Mein Haraami hoon.......


20)
The World's most desperate flirting line---
Kya Tum Akele ho.......
Mujse Zabardasti karoge


21)
If you wish to unsubscribe from receiving my mails then---
BULLSHIT...There is no such way....You're SCREWED.


22)
My Mom told me not to send emails to strangers.........By the way
Whats your name????????

23)
Don't drink while Surfing....

24)
Who authorised you to get mails from me?

Magical Pricing, Magical Products

The TATA's 1 Lakh car has now been established as the cheapest car in the World till date. It was one of the Most awaited Products of our times. The fantasy of launching a product with a Magical price, one that drastically knocks down the base price to a new low, compelling all competitors to run helter skelter redrawing every known and unknown marketing strategy. While this magical round figure with 1 and corresponding zeroes have fascinated many, few targets hv been achieved and few are still in the Pipeline.


Rs. 100000/- Tata's Nano
Rs. 10000/- Home PC
Rs. 1000/- Mobile Phone
Rs. 100/- Monthly Broadband Connection
Rs. 10/- Chota Recharge
Re. 1/- One India plan (Phone call to all over India.)

If this goes on, I will have to bid my used underwears on Ebay for 10p onwards :-(

I can Rape and Kill you for just Rs.12500/- flat:

Its 10 days into the new year and it ceratinly one to reckon with. Especially if you belong to the fairer sex. Even before the clock struck 12 on New years eve, in our CM's own backyard Taslima was raped and killed by 4 youths. Here's an Instruction Manual for those commited such heinous sins.

Step 1: Hang the girls body on a tree and leave for the family to discover their girl lifeless suspended in mid-air.
Step 2: Get your elders involved to talk with the Victims family to accept Rs.50000/- (dat amounts to Rs.12500/- per youth) and shut their mouth forever.*
* Conditions Apply: Threats to the rest of the family may be issued.
Step 3: Go in for the low key burial for the victim. (now why wud you want to tarnish the boys image for such a small thing)

Incase you think I am mocking a serious issue, prove me that isn't exactly what is being done!! The entire Panchayat and police go in cahoots to protect the 4 boys who have scoffed at the thought of any punishment coming over them for what they hv done. Why? Bcos who in Gods name would care whatever happened to Taslima in this male dominated bastion? Who the hell is Taslima? And why should her murder spoil the future of 4 youths?

Well past 12 midnight into the New year, things may look different this year. BZZZZZZZZZ........think again. Few hours into it and 80 men substituted burning an old man with fondling women in public a much better way to start the year. While the couple under attack hv stayed away from the case by switching off their cellphones, it took the media to tirelessly play and replay the incident gnawing every nook and corner of the issue for the Home Ministry to wake up and kick the commissioner for his gawti statements regarding women and why they should be left at home to produce and raise children.

And why mumbai.......The new year news was filled with women groping stories from Kochi to Kolkatta...Media-glared Issues may be slurred at first by authorities in a oversmart bid to show that the media is stupid. If the media throws that back with vengeance, they simply bite the dust and then promise action on the issue... No wait...something more feeble which will not hound them till the overzealous media gets on to something else. They will say they will LOOK INTO THE MATTER.....hmmm. I mean can you imagine the efforts they would hv to put if they were to raise the conviction rate of crimes against women which is at a pathetic 26% and even more pathetic 11% at the state level?

A story in similarity to Juhu case happened in Australia this weekend at the Summernats Street car festival when a mob of around 400 drunk men surrounded young girls and asked them to flash their breasts. No excuse here that while this sick form of behaviour is not restricted only to India, but its for sure accepted as an awfully disgusting behaviour in all cultures across the globe. Atleast the females will think so.

Maybe this is the Chinese year of Man....the wildest among all Breasts....I MEAN BEASTS.... Ohh I forgot I was a man myself.
God Save the Women

How badly are we screwed??

Its really funny to read our newspapers articles regarding the lines on which our babus run this country and their seriousness of our security. Let me illustrate my point. As per recently revealed figures: (yes, i am aware statistics are as interesting chewing paper but still)
47371 people died in terrorist violence bwtween 1994-2005 (non-naxilite)
4666 people died in Maoist violence between 2002-2006.
24 died in Indo-Sino war and 257 dead in bombay blasts 1993.

These figures of such a short span are higher than the entire body count of war casualties in the last 6 decades of independence. (and dont forget, these are just sarkaari aakdaas) And yet while these figures are out, the same time India is on the verge of signing the biggest defence deal of 10bn USD. No one is refuting the fact that our borders need to be given primary imporatnce. Especially when we are surrounded by our "unfriendly neighbourhood failed states".

Pakistan, ruled by a dictator who America considers a best friend bcos he will pee lifting his one leg only wen america says so.
Nepal, where india stayed quiet while Maoists went on kidnapping Indian businessmen in hundreds like as if they were at sale in a Walmart store on a christmas day.
Bangladesh, with a border as porous as the swamps of bengal, has debarred the major political leaders from elections and in an emergency at the moment.
Sri Lanka, every few months we have some tamil refugees reaching the indian shores on floating wreckage due to the violence there.
And of course, CHINA, which is not a failed state but while flexing its military muscle says it is seeking an amicable solution. (which includes india happily signing off Arunachal in their arms). They give you a picture of Arnold schwazenneger in Terminator with beefed up muscles holding a Machine gun at you and saying "I come in Peace"

So all those unstable defunct governments have become infested with anti-India camps. So our borders security cannot be compromised. Its so nice to feel secured in your country. BOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!! The train you are travelling in explodes and you dont know wat has happened till you open your eyes in the hospital while the doctor informs you no longer hv your legs and a ear. Ohh now why dint those fighter jets that my country just purchased blow up the terrorists while they were staying in the Govandi slums.

They say terrorists usually choose soft targets where its practically impossible to contain the terrorist completely. Agreed, it is a daunting task. Then I wonder what bol bachan you can give me, wen we do not see repeated terrorist strikes in Europe after an attack there. Why has the turbaned caveman in Afghanistan and his chalis hazaar chors not been able to kill a single american on american soil through another terrorist strike after 9/11????

Dont freaking give me reason that they are a "developed country" and we lack the technological advantage they enjoy. A terrorist does not carry a barcode attached on his ass that only a machine can read. Without the most basic technology the Mumbai Police has been able to crack the most notories events and scams. The human networking is of prime importance, and here the political interference and influence creates the sickest form of hindrance.

After every blast, all security goes into protecting the gods and temples and politicians who all come to give pravachan and create more havoc. Within 24 hours, a banned islamist outfit is suspected for the blast. Thousands of muslims are rounded for interrogation. Files which were shelved away due to political compulsions are drawn out. And we are patted on our backs for "INDOMITABLE SPIRIT OF INDIA/ MUMBAI/ MALEGAON/ HYDERABAD/ VARANASI."
The speech remains the same, the appropriate choice is chosen as per the location of the blast. Of course i will continue to travel by train the very next day itself albeit my eyes randomly seeking any suspicious movements or baggage like as if some late latif terrorist missed his yesterdays deadline and has come today to fulfill his purpose. If i dont travel in the train, is your sarkaari fatfatti going to come to give me a lift to my destination???

At the same time to avoid being shown as it is not the muslims they are targetting, unnecessary minority welfare packages are doled out somewhere co-inciding with election fever. Its no secret the Intelligience bureau has faced several gunda-political hurdles while pursuing their leads. An ex-officer even said without naming that a CM of a north indian state was along with the ISI. :-O Come again!!!!
What????

I guess at the moment asking the politicians to stay out of these investigations would be equivalent to asking the waiter to serve you Bipasha Basu on a silver platter. Lets face it. Apply the most comman sense at the level of kindergarten kid and ask yourself. What would the government be more interested at the moment? Finding the culprits of the hyderabad blasts that shocked the nation or saving its own skin and prepare for elections due to its turf with the left? Yes, you are right. We are screwed. :( It seems more likely that Aishwarya Rai can divorce Abhishek and marry Rajpal Yadav then waiting to see any change here.

Solution to N-deal

60 getting Stupider as well

"60 and getting sexier": This was the Times Of India's Page 1 headline on Aug 15. This is pathetic and unacceptable! How can TOI refer to our MATRABHUMI as sexy? Pls pass this SMS to share your concern for the SHAMELESS act. TIMES MUST APOLOGISE TO THE NATION.

For those thinking I have lost it, this was the SMS I received the day after Independence from somebody named INDIA. How ironical that someone with a mind as narrow as the Chinese eyes named himself 'India' while sending out these SMS!!!! Too bad they dint leave a call back no. on their yawning message, otherwise my network provider would have made some business while I gave those ******* a piece of my mind. (The stars hv been put to enable you to test your creativity and innovation.) Well damn right my country is 60 and getting smarter, stronger, more beautiful and even at times more weird (name a country that doesn't have that Quality) and of course SEXIER.

The problem with these dumwits is that they connote the word sexy directly with its counterpart formed by dropping the letter "y" from sexy. Tat is SEX. Shhhhhhh......... U cant say that. Lets follow J.K. Rowling's example and call it That-Thing-because-of-which-we-were-born-but-we-don't-talk-about-it. Gosh!!! Sexy goes in the same tone as Sex symbol (No, it does not mean if you see a person noted as a sex symbol it means its an invitation 2 have it now) or Sex appeal. Get yourself brushed up as its the general slang for the appeal or charm a person has to interest someone else. If I were to follow these nutcases theory HARMony would come from the word harm, MANgo is a Man who is working in a NGO and JAMes bond will be nothing more than a bottle of JAM. Well that would be just stupid. But then again there is no shortage of those people as we can see.

-Brian (please don't break my name phonetically into half, Or else i will be tomorrows Times of India page 1)